How to Become More Self-Confident

10:47:00 AM



A few weeks ago I was rehearsing for a lottery drawing and the director told me that my (very cute) gingham shirt had too small of a pattern and was causing the cameras to freak out. I've worked there for years and have undoubtedly worn the same shirt before, but that's beside the point. I had to change my shirt or cover it up. I didn't have time to get to my apartment and back before the live drawing, so I got stuck wearing a hideous polyester blazer that was 4 sizes too big.

My confidence was completely shaken. I pride myself on my abilities as a TV personality (and on my cute outfits, if we're being totally honest) and this stupid blazer was leaving me mortified. I stood up there, watching the clock count down until we were live on air, thinking that I would honestly rather be in a swimsuit at that moment. I would rather wear a swimsuit on live television in front of thousands of people than wear an ugly outfit (have I mentioned I'm crazy?)



I knew in that moment that I was out of options. Regardless of how I felt about my appearance, I had no choice but to perform. I needed confidence.

So I faked it. I faked being totally cool with my horrible polyester blazer and it worked.

I'm pretty darn confident as far as things go, but it certainly hasn't always been that way. I was an odd little gangly kid/preteen with major scoliosis who ate lunch with the teachers during lunch (by choice) all through high school. I'm still a super major oddball on the inside (and occasionally outside, too, which you'd know if you saw me wandering around my apartment complex in my red monkey pajamas and bare feet on a regular basis.)

The difference between now and then is that I've chosen to accept myself. I have moments of incredible, unworldly self confidence where I have no doubt I'll be super successful and accomplish anything and everything, but then I have moments where the doubt creeps in. This is normal.

I've come a long way, so I thought I'd share some of the wisdom I've gained along the way.

1. Be open and outward. When I was preparing for Miss Teen USA I worked with an interview coach named Don Baker who taught me this principle. He's since passed away, but I still repeat this mantra to myself every day. Essentially, open and outward means to let go of your hesitations and to be unapologetically yourself.
I had major issues with second guessing myself in on stage questions. This meant I'd get halfway through my answer and pause...paralyzed in fear. It was not pleasant.
Being open and outward means you access the first answer that comes to mind, let your guard down, and just go. People respond really well to openness and honesty. This has made a huge difference for me not only in pageants, but also in television and so many other parts of my life.



2. Say nice things to yourself. It's going to feel dumb, but grab a journal and make a goal to write down 3 things you like about yourself every day. It can be as simple as, "I like my eyelashes," or as deep as, "I have a big heart and I love that I care so much for people." The point is, be nice to yourself!

3. Don't be self-deprecating. Don't call yourself stupid. Don't call yourself ugly. Don't say you have fat arms or squinty eyes. You're opening yourself up to other people saying these things about you and that is NOT okay. Remember what your mom said, "If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all!" I'm here to tell you that applies to talking to/about yourself as well.
For that matter, don't speak negatively about others either because all you're doing then is projecting your own insecurities onto someone else. BE NICE!


4. Twenty seconds of insane courage. It's all you need. Want something really badly? Take a deep breath and muster all of the confidence that you can for just twenty seconds and you'll be amazed by what happens.

If you ask me, confidence is the #1 key to success and happiness. Use these tips to turn your own version of OMG-I'm-wearing-a-hideous-blazer-on-live-TV-HELP into calm, cool and collected. I promise it'll help!

Kelsey

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